I made it to 6 months and have kept on going, and so, I shamelessly award myself the Bronze. Those first 10 weeks were hell. Complete and utter HELL. But I overcame it and up until a week ago, Julian was Exclusively Breast Fed. It's still his main source of caloric intake, but we've started introducing solids via a mix of purees (of our table foods) and Baby Led Weaning. This is the short version of this story. The, it shouldn't freak anyone out version. The following is pretty descriptive and at times graphic, it's not for the squeamish or for those who have an illusion that breast are for fun only. Breast are meant to nourish, I'm hoping that my struggles will help power someone else through those hard times.
The long story. Ah yes.....
It all began on April 25th, sometime around 2:50am. Julian was born a few minutes before then and we were trying to get him to latch. Yes, you read that right, we. I had no idea what I was doing and my OB was awesome enough to get all up in my nip business and lend a hand. Julian was having none of it, he downright refused. We let it be and honestly, I was too tired to push the issue. A few hours later, my little monster finally latched and it HURT, like toe curling kind of hurt. I assumed this was normal, and powered through. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it was, I was going to breast feed, I just had to, nothing would stop me.
Fast forward 12 hours and my nips were starting to feel a little sore. Julian nursed every two hours those first few days, which is normal. He also nursed for about 45 minutes PER SIDE, apparently that was normal too. I let the nurses know that I wanted to meet with a lactation consultant because although I had no idea what I was doing, something just didn't feel right. The night before I was being discharged, two days after Julian was born, I finally met with an LC. She immediately commended me on my positioning and gave me some tips. She also took a look at my sores and said they were totally normal. The next morning I met with another LC at the Breastfeeding cafe the hospital has. She gave me some more pointers but assured me that everything looked ok.
Fast forward to that afternoon, Julian was nursing and next thing I know he pulls off and theres blood on his mouth, onesie and my nipple. I freak when I notice that there's something hanging off the tip. I pull on it and slowly what looks like a thick white booger covered in blood comes out. I am ridiculously grossed out and immediately jump on my computer to research what it could be but don't find anything. Looking back, I can say with confidence that it was just the remnants of a clogged milk duct. Either way, I kept nursing, as often and as long as Julian wanted.
A week later, everytime Julian latches I want to cry. My nipples look like a hot mess, they're red, puffy, I lost skin on both and one even looks like it's blistering over and infected. I am starting to dread the thought of the Bean being hungry. Righty is starting to get rock hard and is red and hot to the touch, it even looks a little streaky. I don't remember how, but I find out about a breastfeeding clinic at the pediatrician's office and decide to attend. And so on day 8 of Julian's life, we meet our 3rd LC. The second I expose the girls, she looks at me and let's me know that I should stop nursing and start pumping to give myself a break. She also had me call my OB for an appointment stat, as it turns out, I had developed mastitis and a mild case of thrush. Lovely.
For 10 weeks after that, I pretty much exclusively pumped. Every two hours at first, and then every three, even through the night. Keep in mind that Julian slept for an hour or two and was awake for an hour or two ALLLL day, I don't think he slept more than 3 consecutive hours until he was 3 months old. Pumping, between set up and clean up was about 40 minutes, every 2-3 hours. As you imagine, I didn't sleep very much.
To say I hated breastfeeding, be it pumping or from the tap, is an understatement. I loathed the very thought of it. Every time the two hours were coming to an end, I slowly died inside. Every time I tried to nurse Julian, I bled. It was HORRIBLE.
Sometime around week 9 my LC (I met with two others between week 1 and 9 but ended up seeing LC#3 weekly) finally semi threw in the towel. She let me know she had no idea how she could help me get Julian to latch (all other LC's had already given up on us) but suggested that I meet with a cranial sacral therapist. She felt that our problems (Julian refused open is mouth wide and had a lazy suck) could stem from stress on his jaw or neck. So off we went, me hating breast feeding more than ever now that I had to spend even more money. We met with the Dr. and after our first session, she had me feed Julian with the help of a nipple shield and... I almost cried. It worked, it finally worked, it took 45 minutes but he was satisfied. We met with her one more time, and twice more with the LC. At week 11, as I was ready to start work after my maternity leave, I stopped exclusively pumping, stopped supplementing with formula, stopped using the nipple shield.
Had you asked me at week 2 if I would still be breastfeeding at 6 months I would think you crazy. I figured I would have been done with it at 4 weeks, and honestly, I did start weaning around then, but by the 3rd day a wave of determination came over me and I kept on trucking. I am determined to make it to a year, and hope to keep morning and night feedings until at least 18 months. I am so happy that I stuck through all the up and downs. Month 9 is my silver, month 12 the gold, and anything after that is the platinum. I will make sure to jot down a few more post with links and information that I found useful through the process. Feel free to share with anyone you feel may need a little morale booster when it comes to the Tatas
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